This is a bad Situation.

The new talk of the town is that The Situation (of Jersey Shore fame) is reported to make upwards of $5 million in 2010. This figure includes payment from MTV's trainwreck of a show (up to $60k per episode), party appearances ($15k - $50k), along with endorsements (i.e. workout videos, steroid flavored vodka -I kid I kid, the GTL rap app) and of course a book advance.

I know what you are saying to yourself right now, A BOOK ADVANCE???, and I am with you sista. This reported 6 figure advance will be used for the 29 year old set of abs to write his autobiography. Does someone smell a ghost writer? For the last few hours, this news has taken my breath away and caused me extreme angst. Is the only way for me to become a household name is to become a STD farm? Please say it isn't so.

To help The Situation out, I have comprised a list of ideas for this book.

• A pop up book. We can go through his Ab workout with him and see him do his curl-ups and, well, whatever else one does for a six-pack
• A baby sensory book. You know, one of those books that has textures and fun games for kids, page one could be his abs, page 2 could be a puzzle where you change his tank top to his going on shirts, I've got nothing for page 3.
• A picture book. This is the obvious and easiest of the suggestions. A picture is worth a 1,000 words and maybe a collection of his will be worth that six figure advance?

I hate it when I waste my space on the internet promoting the famously trashy, but sometimes I just can't step away.

You win mtv. I now watch The Hills

Two weekends ago there was a The Hills marathon. I randomly turned on the tv during day two and tweeted about watching my first episode. A friend immediately replied that I should start from the beginning. So I did just that.

Season 1 Lauren and Heidi

In about two weeks time I have now seen every single The Hills episode made. Being able to watch them in succession like that really allows one to see how the show's "reality" has deteriorated over the years. The plot lines have become thinner and the cast has evolved in strange ways.

The same friend who advised me to watch from the beginning stated that she felt the show really took a turn when Lauren Conrad left. I would have to agree. Without her, there doesn't appear to be center. Now you see Heidi 3.0 and Spencer fighting for the spotlight while Kristen from Laguna Hills has returned to be the voiceover, but unfortunately, pretty much everyone hates her and she might be on drugs.

What I will say is it is a shame that the cast loves to stay in the gossip rags. If we didn't already know what Heidi looked like from the pictures in People Magazine, I think the editing for the episode where she reveals herself to her mom would have been more shocking. But, I was still on edge waiting for the cameras to zoom in on her puffy face rather than the back of head or scanning up to just below her boobs.

Heidi Season 6

I will say, Heidi's mom was right. Not only does she not look better than before the surgery, but the surgery has aged her dramatically. I would never think this girl is 3 years younger than me.

Bam Right in the Snookie

I thought that I could hold out. I haven't watched Real World, Road Rules or the RW/RR Challenge in years. Never got into Laguna Beach, The Hills, The City or any of those spin offs, but man I cannot say no to some guidos and guidettes.

If you haven't read/heard about the show, Italian American organizations are going nuts. They feel that this show misrepresents their (our) culture and that it needs to be pulled from the air. As the round table on Chelsea Lately pointed out, making threats to MTV is only going to remind the world of the original stereotype, that all Italian Americans are somehow related to criminal activity.

Back to the show, the cast is so much fun. Too bad Vinny is boring but then if he had some sort of personality The Situation might get less face time. Every time I try to pick a favorite cast mate, I change my mind. The Situation is an obvious choice because of the number of times "The Situation" is said. Usually it refers to Mike, but sometimes people are really just talking about the current situation and thus causes some confusion to the viewer. The Situation is completely and utterly convinced that he is the ultimate catch and it is so much fun watching how his nights end.

Then we have Pauly D. He is from RI. So there's one draw. The other being his crazy ass hair. The physics behind his do is something I don't even know if MIT students can explain.

J-Woww (what exactly is the need for the second "w"?) knows exactly who she is and is very proud of it. She gives us great lines like following...

Jersey Shore: Jenni "J-WOWW" "I am like a preying mantis" sound bite Jersey Shore sound bites

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In her intro we learn that she has fake boobs, as if looking at her didn't tip us off. But at least she is open and honest about it. She has a boyfriend back home, but it doesn't seem like that relationship is going to last the season.

Snookie is the last one worth mentioning (sorry Sammie and Ronnie). She is super short, so short that I am fairly certain she would freak me out. The first night she got beyond wasted and no one wanted anything to do with her. The she brought home so dude that puked all over their porch. Only to top all of this with letting the world know she has a major thing for pickles. I did feel terrible for her, because just as she starts to win over the group and the viewing population, she gets hit in the face. If you somehow haven't seen it yet, here you go. Enjoy.