Best Instructions

I just picked up my new ID card. It came with a set of instructions. Yes, my ID card that gets me in the gym and purchase food from vending machines/the cafeteria came with a very extensive set of warnings. These are the best ones (my thoughts are of course in green):

* Do not punch holes in your ID card. You cannot punch holes in your card, bend your card excessively, or use your card for unintended purposes (including as a door jamb or window scrapper). I mean an ID card is the perfect shape and size to help scrap my windshield after it has been snowing and freezing for 24 hours.

* Keep your ID card out of direct sunlight and away from other heat sources such as a clothes dryer. This makes me wonder if the card is made from plant materials. The Credit Union gave us pens that had the same warning because they were made from plant matter. Those pens are AWESOME. This ID card seems to be just high maintenance ...

* Do not put your ID card on stereo equipment, computers, or near any magnetic fields. The pamphlet also warned me that I cannot let it come in contact with keys, change or other objects. This makes me very concerned. The pamphlet suggests keeping it in a protective card sleeve, I wish they provided me with one... This is quite possibly the most delicate card ever!

Given that I loose my card on a semi-weekly basis and often chuck it into the abyss known as my work bag, I'm going to guess I will be needing to replace this thing before the month is up!